Dear Diary...Everything will be alright this year, right?

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Hi! 안녕하세요! I am Amanda. You can call me any of these names: Amanda, Himeko, Adarlice.
What you can find here are lot of daily life entries - which includes sad, happy, excitement, my own fan-encounter to ghost town blog.
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Friday, July 04, 2008 5:57:00 AM

Got hurt again from you.

你亲自杀了曾经爱你的我。你伤的我好深呀。。。

Last time you hurt me once of a girl incident, and I forgive you and trusted you again. I did say to you before, "This is the last chance that I'll be giving you, please treasure it" I think you forgotten it very long ago. And yet, you didn't treasure it as much as I thought you really would.

First half yr??? So you are saying that the first 6 months of kissing, hugging and loving tender care are true, and then the rest of the 1 yr plus is just what?

1) Kiss cos you feel like u doing so?
2) Hug cos u need to do so ?
3) Say all the loving words, cos you are learning how to love someone and take me as a experiemental tool?

By doing all these to gain my trust from you again and make me love u deeply once again? So you can hurt me deeply when you break up with me? Grats, you did it.

I'm truly in deep pain now.

I seriously don't get what is the meaning of "until now then you realise that you stop loving me ever since the first 6 month of our relationship."

Dragging until now then announced to me "I don't love you anymore." This means so much to me. I think you really forgotten everything that I said to you and your actions.

Can you recall there was once...
*You didn't hug me when we are watching movie and ever since then that was our last movie together?
*How about there was once you are angry and scolded me, and I asked you to repeat it again and you said nothing?
*Can you recall that you did treat me coldly a period of time and I'm doing the talking, trying to save our relationship and yet you didn't give in much and stay silent most of the time?

I think you have clearly forgotten everything about it since you have 1 yr plus, which I don't....I don't think you can recall any of those I mention, cause you don't have any more memories of me... A part of me seriously thinks that you liked another girl even though u answered No when I asked you.

Yesterday I was happily chatting with you, and yet you hide it really well. I didn't notice anything. Msged me night msg as usual and you totally changed on 3July2008. Thanks to you, I will remember both dates 270906 and 030708.

I actually guessed that you will break with me someday which I'm praying hard that day wouldn't came. Cause, I trusted you that you are truly in love with me. But still...it does.

That day of Gen-X BBQ,
*You rest on my back cos you are tired and finding somewhere confortable?
*You take food for me cos your "friend" here needed some food?
*You are no where to be found most of the time cos you don't dare to face me, hiding from me?
*You are dare to say "I love you" to me cause everyone was there so you don't want me to find out anything? "Amanda, I love you" was all a lie?
*When keat ask you...“你会不会娶jissco?” You answered with so much confident and loud "会!" just for saying only?
*You asked a kiss from me when I about to leave and I was shy to give cause others was there was also a lie?

Everything on Gen-X BBQ was all a lie? No! should be for the pass 1 yr you are lying everyday to me.

I know that you are very busy with choir, and we didn't msg each other much since don't know when which I don't know why, maybe that's the day that you stop loving me. To me, your every msg means something. Even though the basic night msg means something to me. I can guess how you feel that entire day by looking at the way you msg me. So I guess you lie on the msg you send me too.

How many times have you lied to me???? And I hated LIE!

I throw away all the things you gave me and the keychain and evething that is related to you. Except for the ring and me to you bear. I don't find any reasons that I could wear the ring again. All the photos and stuff are deleted. I couldn't bring myself to throw away, so I asked some help.

我逼自己要恨死你，可是我做不到！
我逼自己不要在爱你，可是我做不到！
我逼自己不要在想你，可是我做不到！

这一切来得太突然，来得太快。。。

我会学着活在没有你的世界里，慢慢的习惯这个新的生活，慢慢的忘记我们曾经拥有的回忆，曾经去过的地方，曾经你对我说过的每一句话，曾经你送我的每一个礼物。我会把它通通变成我身命中最开心、最快乐属于我们的故事，属于我最痛苦的过去。

如果有一天，你后悔了你的决定。。。就像上一次一样，请你不要来找我，因为爱你的我已慢慢死去在痛里。我不可能在让你在伤害我第三次。我希望你可以消失在我的世界里。我不知道我们还可以不可以做朋友，可能等到我愿谅你之后，我会试着再解受你成为朋友。

我始终不是你爱的方向，我很难过，很伤心，很遗憾。我还是要谢谢你曾经给我的一切。。。再见了我曾经爱的你。。。你已经没那么重要了。。。

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